Buster’s owner hopes ‘The Whiz’ is good for biz

By Brian Ojanpa

I have seen sports memorabilia at the highest levels.

At the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, N.Y., I gazed upon Babe Ruth’s bat and Ty Cobb’s cleats.

At the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Mass., I ogled one of Shaquille O’Neal’s gondola-size sneakers.

At the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame in Eveleth I stood transfixed before uniforms worn by America’s “Miracle on Ice” squad that upset the Russians in the 1980 Olympics.

But the other day, in a Mankato bar, I saw sports memorabilia at its lowest ebb.

Its brand name is “The Original Whizzinator,” and it’s become a jaw-dropping piece of wall art at Buster’s.

Owner Matt Little said he called his sister a few days ago and asked if she’d heard about the device on the news.

“She said, ‘Yeah, some idiot paid $750 for it.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, that idiot was me.’”

The 26-year-old Little is the proud owner of prosthetic paraphernalia that has lived in infamy ever since a Minnesota Vikings running back was detained with it in a Minneapolis airport.

In 2005 Onterrio Smith was whisked aside by airport security when a curious contraption was found in his possession.

The device, a fake penis attached to an athletic supporter and filled with “clean” urine, is used to pass drug tests.

Pro football athletes of Smith’s drug-addled ilk must employ this type of ruse because officials visually monitor them when they supply urine samples.

Wonderful work if you can get it — eyeballing someone’s nethers at a watering trough — but I digress.

Anyway, Smith was suspended by the Vikes and eventually kicked out of the National Football League for repeated failed drug tests.

For the past few years the Whizzinator has reposed with a bunch of Smith’s other possessions in a Twin Cities storage locker. Storage companies are allowed to clean out locker contents that go unclaimed.

So it was that Smith’s Whizzinator came up for sale at auction, and Little came away with it.

He loves off-the-wall promotions for his sports bar, and this one is right in his wheelhouse.

Little may be onto something here. Sports halls of fame are a dime a dozen, but with the acquisition of Smith’s Whizzinator, he may have laid the groundwork for a sports hall of shame.

It excites the senses just to think about it, and there would be a limitless stream of memorabilia including, but not limited to:

n Steroidal ballplayer Jose Canseco’s hypodermic needle.

n The handgun football player Plaxico Burress used to accidentally shoot himself in the leg in a New York nightclub.

n Dog collars from animals who shared precious moments with quarterback Michael Vick.

n The steel rod a thug used on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan’s knee in 1994 to spoil her Olympics chances.

n Cocktail glasses from the Vikings’ “Love Boat” extravaganza.

n Paternity papers associated with pro sport’s all-time illegitimate children leader, former basketball player Calvin Murphy, who has 14 offspring by nine women.

And on and on...

Little would like nothing better than to get Smith to his bar for a tongue-in-cheek reunion with the infamous apparatus.

Onterrio last played pro football in Canada, but got drummed out of that league too. He then underwent more drug rehab, and most recently was arrested for drunken driving in California.

Even so, Little said he’s going to try to track Smith down and make his promotional pitch.

“I’m gonna call, cross my fingers, and see what happens.”



Brian Ojanpa is a Free Press staff writer. Call him at 344-6316 or e-mail bojanpa@mankatofreepress.com.