The Free Press, Mankato, MN

Brian Ojanpa

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September 25, 2009

Antsy cows, ornery people fueled yesterday's news

They continue to be a staple in many rural weekly newspapers.

The headings of these glimpses into a bygone era go by various terms — Peeks of the Past, A Look Back — and reading the Twitter-like snippets of vintage small-town reporting a century or so ago is a treat.

If nothing else, it proves that then, as now, there is nothing so tantalizing as the trivial stuff of life.

And if someone was kicked in the face by a cow, so much the better for gossip.

Here are some apocryphal examples, most based on actual accounts, of the ornate and opinionated language once used to deliver the news of the day:



115 Years Ago

The corn crop in the county is looking bountiful thanks to abundant summer rains and goodly amounts of nurturing sunshine. The silos and bins shall be nigh to bursting and will provide much peace of mind when the howling winds of winter summon forth Nature’s wrath.



99 Years Ago

Fine music filled the air of Main Street as a traveling troupe of musicians entertained. They later discoursed similar melodies in concert at the town hall and citizens said it was the best 25 cents they have parted with since the bearded lady’s appearance in same said hall a fortnight ago.

101 Years Ago

Heinrich Dimmeldorf has the gout and is feeling poorly at his farm a few rods south of Dobbins Creek. He said he does not want people to pity him.

A wag of our acquaintance said his wish should be easy to honor, for he is a foul man of quick temper who has failed to befriend even his own hound.



107 Years Ago

One Cyrus Limbaugh arrived in town on a buckboard and forthwith filled the public air with a megaphone enhanced diatribe about government evils and libertine politicians.

Horses reared and children clutched at their mothers’ skirts as his shrill and odious harangue proceeded unabated over hill and dale.

Let us hope Mr. Limbaugh’s future lineage is spared the attributes that foster this boorish demagoguery.



120 Years Ago

A game of base ball was displayed Sunday last by stalwart and hale squads from Kasota and Le Sueur. The Kasota lads emerged victorious, tallying 42 runs to their opponent’s 9.

Afterward, icy lemonade was enjoyed by combatants and spectators alike, and Mr. Isaac Pole outdistanced the field in an impromptu foot race no doubt instigated by the high degree of intoxication and smart talk bandied about by Mr. Pole.



95 Years Ago

The jaw of Mrs. Hilda Brown was shattered to smithereens when a cow she was milking apparently took exception and delivered a blow with her hind leg. Mrs. Brown can eat but thin porridge until she heals and has mumbled her disdain for its wearisome taste.



100 Years Ago

Travelers have been arriving at Samuel Hobbs’ dry goods store to take in the wondrous sight of electric illumination. Two large lighting fixtures in his establishment can magically turn night into day with a mere turn of a switching device.

Some of the citizenry is skeptical about this newfangled invention and doubt that it will ever catch on.



97 Years Ago

Millard Sonnek and his lovely bride, Elvira, trekked in their fancy new motor car to visit Elvira’s mother in Medo Township. Light conversation and polite laughter ensued, and a delicious meal of mutton and pickled turnips was enjoyed.

Also, there was pie.



Brian Ojanpa is a Free Press staff writer. Call him at 344-6316 or e-mail bojanpa@mankatofreepress.com .



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