The Free Press, Mankato, MN

Brian Ojanpa

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December 18, 2009

Smiths inspire with weird produce

Ray and Ona Smith are proud parents of mutant spawn. And I’m proud of them for being proud of it.

A few days ago the Nicollet couple did what no one does anymore — they lugged their humongous and hideously deformed vegetable to this newspaper office to share it with the world, or at least this corner of it.

Their proffering of the carrot from their garden patch was an unintended old-school nod to the days when folks routinely did this sort of thing.

Mutant spuds, steroidal squash, bell peppers shaped like California — it was all once fair game for a photo in the local press.

I lamented those days of Stupid Vegetable Tricks in a July column and put out a call: If anyone harvests a weird, huge or otherwise extraordinary vegetable, bring it on by and I would immortalize it, um, somehow.

No one did, which wasn’t really surprising, given that most newspapers ended the practice of publicizing edgy veggies about the time disco breathed its last.

The Smiths said they didn’t see that column, so their stopping by wasn’t done tongue-in-cheek and wink-wink.

Their visit was simply a guileless offer of a photo opportunity involving an “Alien”-like thing that looks as if it could have sprung from some guy’s chest to attack Sigourney Weaver.

If this carrot had been born in human form 150 years ago, P.T. Barnum would have taken it on the road, and mean kids would have poked it with sticks.

Ray Smith unearthed the 6.5-pound root about two weeks ago as he hurriedly harvested some radishes and carrots before his soil froze.

He says he was toiling in the dark and didn’t quite realize what he had until he got that bad boy into some light and, you have to presume, recoiled in wondrous horror at what he wrought.

He’d raised behemoths before — last year he plucked a 3-pound-plus tomato — but never one so uniquely combining size with a face from a child’s nightmare.

Aside from taking it to the newspaper, the couple has kept it close to the vest — and in their refrigerator. They showed it to kin, but that’s about it.

They plan to keep that rascal around for awhile. And then? Soup’s on.

“We’ll hack it up and eat it,” Ona says. “What else you gonna do with it?”



Brian Ojanpa is a Free Press staff writer. Call him at 344-6316 or e-mail bojanpa@mankatofreepress.com .

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