The Free Press, Mankato, MN

Tim Krohn

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February 9, 2009

Paid to perform — poorly

A lot of people have been picking on Tom Daschle because he forgot to pay $102,000 in taxes on a free round-the-clock limousine service someone provides for him.

Which is so unfair.

The former South Dakota senator and now big-time health industry lobbyist is a busy man.

I can see him leaving his house in the tony Foxhall Lane neighborhood of Washington, D.C., kissing his wife good-bye as he walks to the driveway:

“Hey, what’s that?”

“That’s your limo and driver, honey.”

“Really? I have a limo?”

“Yes, you’ve had if for years.”

“I’ve been so busy I never thought about how I get to work.”

Sure, when he was growing up in Aberdeen he probably had time to remember he drove a pickup truck. But now, toiling at a lobbying firm for $2 million a year, he has a lot on his mind.

I’m guessing that now that he remembers he has a limo, he’ll probably want to take it on a visit back home.

“Hey, Bernard, go down to the Corn Palace, just keep driving the limo around the block so people can see me.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Daschle.”

“Then let’s go to that big steel dinosaurs display and head over to Wall Drug. They got free water there.

“Yes sir.”

There’s been a lot of unhealthy wealth envy lately. It’s all those socialist-leaning liberals, intoxicated with power after the election. They just don’t understand the free market.

They complain because executives in corporations that received taxpayer bailouts are still giving themselves millions in bonuses.

But you have to pay well to attract top talent and motivate people.

I don’t get paid a lot and look what you’re getting.

If my boss would just double my salary I’d be way funnier. As it is, I’m barely motivated to stay awake in my cubicle. I sometimes spend much of the afternoon adding up all the change in my pocket to see if it’s divisible by seven or doing Google searches using various phrases that contain the word “booger.”

Recently, people got really worked up when they learned that banks were planning on buying new corporate jets and booking corporate retreats.

Millions of “Working Americans,” as the media likes to call them, got all lathered up because the banks received billions in taxpayer money and they’re still traveling in luxury and playing at high-end resorts.

But these bankers could really use a little relaxation. They’ve been under an awful lot of stress lately. Their loan managers were hecticly underwriting the subprime mortgages that helped spin the world economy into the tank. And they’ve watched their company’s stock fall by half or more.

It’s not just anyone who can perform like that. With that kind of pressure, they deserve some R&R.;

And now President Obama wants companies that take bailout money to limit executives’ pay to a half-million a year.

Let’s just take off those stars and stripes and put the hammer and sickle on our flag.

If this kind of craziness keeps up our corporations will be run by a bunch of people who think they should be compensated based on the stability of their business and their level of ethical oversight.

How un-American.



m Krohn is a Free Press staff writer. He can be contacted at 344-6383 or

email him Tim by clicking here

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Tim Krohn