‘No thanks’ doesn’t cut it anymore

By Tim Krohn

I’m thinking of taking Taekwondo lessons.

Mankato is changing. It’s not the friendly little town it was.

No, it’s not the crime.

It’s the sales people at stores.

More and more, I’m feeling a desire to ax-kick a sales clerk, uh, I mean “team member.”

You cannot any longer go to a store and just buy what you want. You must first go through the gauntlet of what in the sales world is called “up-selling” and “cross-selling.”

Up-selling was long the staple of fast-food restaurants: “Would you like some fries with that?” The idea being that getting people to add on or go larger with their order is good for business.

Cross-selling is finding things related to what the customer came in for: She buys a blouse, the clerk sells her a pair of shoes. He buys a fishing rod, the clerk sells him a tackle box, lures and beer cooler.

With the recession, struggling retailers are unprecedented in their efforts to sell you more things you don’t want.

In a nutrition store recently, the earnest clerk was on us like a second skin. With every bottle of supplements we picked up to look at, he asked why we were taking them, so he could recommend a battery of other pills that would help. I was tempted to tell him, “Somehow I got smallpox,” coughing as I ask him for supplement suggestions.

I can’t buy my small cup of dark roast anymore without being asked if I’d like to make it larger for just 50 cents and would I like a yummy cookie to go with it.

You can’t buy an electronic item of any size or price without the extensive pitch trying to sell you an extended warranty. To which I always respond, “Are you selling stuff so crappy that the regular warranty isn’t going to be enough?”

You won’t escape the video store without the suggestion you buy the overpriced popcorn and soda.

If the technique is supposed to boost sales, I’m not sure it’s working. We avoid a growing list of stores where a polite “no thanks” and an indication that you’re ready to check out is not enough.

Those stores are added to my blacklisted restaurant list — those eateries where the wait staff is dying to be my best friend.

We actually had a waiter arrive and sit down in our booth: “Hi, I’m Brad and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.”

I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to bring Brad along with us to the movies after dinner.

Not everyone is all-in on the up-sell. There are certain sectors where you don’t see it. Doctors, for example don’t up-sell, which is a good thing.

Well, Mr. Krohn, we’ll be taking you in shortly to take out your appendix. Would you like me to take out a section of your colon while we’re in there?

Does it need to come out?

No. But if you have it done later, it’s going to cost a lot more.

If the Obama critics are right about health reform leading to “death panels” that will end old people’s lives to save money, hospitals might consider cross-selling.

Sir, I’m sorry to tell you we’re going to pull the plug on your mother. We’ll just need your signature here.

Oh, my.

We were wondering if you would sign this one, too. It’s to unhook the old guy in the next room.

But I don’t even know him.

I know, sir, but do you know what he’s costing all of us in higher health care costs?



Tim Krohn is a Free Press staff writer. He can be contacted at 344-6383 or by e-mail at tkrohn@mankatofreepress.com.