The Free Press, Mankato, MN

Columns

August 20, 2012

Krohn: A few things for North Mankato's new city administrator

By Tim Krohn Free Press Staff Writer

I don’t know who the new North Mankato city administrator will be, but whoever it is, we North Mankato residents have some things they need to do once they take office.

We have made a lot of progress on many fronts in North Mankato.

We dropped out of the Traverse des Sioux Socialist Republic of Libraries System a few years ago and now run our own. Mankato residents still sneak over and use it because the place is cheerier, we have better DVDs and serve coffee. And our library director’s name is Lucy Lowry, which is a cool name.

We finally got a funeral home a couple of years ago, which filled a yawning gap in our community. Having visitations on the other side of the river for our dearly departed was disquieting, to say the least. Stories abound of sickly, aged North Katoans miraculously clinging to life for months, sometimes years to avoid the humiliation.

Still, there remain shortcomings.

The first thing the new city administrator needs to do is take back that strip of land that Mankato says it owns in our town. It’s a geographical oddity that has the strip from the Best Western through Perkins to Hiniker Pond in the wrong city.

The Mankato officials say it’s because the old Minnesota River bed was the original boundary between the cities and the river was moved for the highway and flood wall projects.

Sounds just like something their high-priced lawyers would come up with.

If they refuse to relinquish the property, we’ll have to move the river back.

Any real city needs a parking ramp. It doesn’t have to be big. We could put it in that little lot next to Mutch Hardware.

We need a crack house and a hooker. Just one of each, we don’t want to go crazy. Just a little salaciousness so we have something to talk about at neighborhood get-togethers.

Get us a BBQ joint, a bookstore, a wine cafe and a retail store that’s open on Sundays.

We need our own newspaper, too. We’re not sure that other one likes us.

And for pity sake find some money in the cushions at the Port Authority offices and subsidize a coffee shop. We shouldn’t have to drive over there for a good cup of French roast.

Oh, and don’t let them sell any coffee drinks that have “grande,” “skinny,” “no sugar” or “skim milk” in their names.

We don’t do skinny in North Kato.

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