The Free Press, Mankato, MN

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January 19, 2008

Message to kids on alcohol surprises parents

Most parents ‘horrified’ about the alcohol message kids say they get

Dan Nienaber

MANKATO — Labeling teens caught using alcohol as “bad kids” isn’t a way to solve what many see as a growing problem with high-risk drinking among young people, says one expert.

Michael McGinnis of Addiction Recovery Technologies said people should realize there’s a big difference between the things people do and who people really are. Everyone makes mistakes — even the really, really good kids.

What’s more important, he said, is for parents and other adults to give teens the clear message they shouldn’t be using alcohol before reaching the legal age. Many parents think they’re getting that message out now, but the conversations McGinnis has had with students who do get in trouble with alcohol show those parents are often wrong. One group of McGinnis’ clients as an alcohol and drug counselor is the students who are referred to him through the St. Peter and Mankato school districts.

Parents are often surprised when they hear their kids tell McGinnis they’ve never been told to stay away from alcohol, he said. What those students said they actually heard was, “We know you’re going to drink, just don’t get caught and call us if you need a ride.”

That’s not the message most of those parents thought they were giving their kids.

“Most parents were horrified,” he said. “They thought they were telling their kids ‘We don’t want you to drink at all.’”

When teenagers do make mistakes, it’s also important for parents, and the community as a whole, to keep from giving kids the message that they’re bad kids, McGinnis added. Everyone does bad things now and then, he said, but that doesn’t make them bad people.

When teens get into trouble, they should feel guilty about what they have done. But making them ashamed of who they are for making a few poor choices could make things worse in the long run, McGinnis said.

“I think most adults would be distressed by the number of kids who look me straight in the eye and say, ‘Well, I think I’m a bad kid,’” McGinnis said. “We should never get who we are mixed up with what we do. Good people make poor choices all the time, and we should never let those be the yardstick we measure ourselves by.

“All of these kids are worth the investment. They’re all worth the time.”

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