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  • Brian Ojanpa

    Brian Ojanpa

February 5, 2010

Americans return to the moon (sort of)

The Free Press

MANKATO — As late comedian George Carlin pithily observed, “When you’re born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.”

Goings-on this past week did nothing to dispel that wisdom.

n What was surprising wasn’t that the Obama administration opted to pull the plug on NASA’s $100 billion plans to return to the moon.

 What was surprising was that it’s taken so long to do so, considering that the moon mission has been sputtering along with outmoded technology for decades in its attempts to send man where man has gone before.

Space program funds now will be funneled more toward new-technology development by private companies, which is just as well.

Keeping government in charge of the space program is like keeping a glacier in charge of the Indy 500.

n Knucklehead pro basketball player Gilbert Arenas, who pulled a gun on a teammate in the locker room and then pantomimed shooting his mates on court while league officials considered what to do with him (he was suspended indefinitely), wrote an apology this week for the op-ed page of the Washington Post.

His coach praised this effort of reaching out to children with a message of nonviolence.

That Arenas and his coach thought a paint-by-numbers blurb in a newspaper constitutes an effective shout-out to kids is highly amusing.

n The Grammy Awards dog-and-pony show (actually dog-and-Sony show, considering that company’s artists nabbed 31 awards) included one singer performing on stage with an army of guys dressed as futuristic storm troopers, and another crooning semi-naked and dripping wet while hanging from the rafters upside down.

All Sinatra needed was a cigarette and a stool. All Streisand needs is a microphone and her nose.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, do shtick.

n According to our anonymous-as-usual sources, Joe Mauer will sign a 10-year $200 million contract with the Twins today and Brett Favre will announce his return to the Vikings next season.

In the journalistic ethos of the times, we steadfastly maintain that this report is, or is not, accurate.

n True headline this week: “PETA proposes robotic groundhog to replace Punxsutawney Phil.”

No comment is necessary.



Brian Ojanpa is a Free Press staff writer. Call him at 344-6316 or e-mail bojanpa@mankatofreepress.com.

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